Is there a set of values that go along with working wood by hand? I wonder this often and I tell myself that the answer is yes…there are values behind this work besides just needing physical things like furniture, tools, and implements of life. But why does this always end up sounding corny…like I’m trying to convince myself of something.
Why on earth would anyone choose to make their own tools especially….there are plenty of places around to buy tools….WalMart, Sears, Home Depot, etc. What kind of a nut job makes their own tools?
I don’t know….then those values creep up again…
Like a voice inside my head, “Matt…you don’t want to be like every other schmuck and buy a pruning saw at Lowe’s with a plastic handle or tube steel frame pressed out by the millions. You’re better than that.”
Am I? Or do I just like making things because I have ADHD and my hands always have to be working on something? Is it a romantic notion? Is it a political statement?
I don’t make very effective political statements….I think I always end up sounding like an asshole. Maybe I should remember that in the future…talk less, act more. So am I making a statement of action? Am I modeling something for someone? Why do i always have to go Existential on this stuff….why can’t I just enjoy it and shut up???
I don’t know…maybe its a sickness.
And why does my pruning saw have to be special….do I think I’m better than anyone else? Why do I have to use Hawaiian Koa for the handle…wouldn’t beech or dogwood harvested in my own backyard be more appropriate for a ‘home-made’ tool? Maybe…maybe not. If its supposed to mean something, shouldn’t the whole thing mean something…all of its parts, individually and together, have meaning? The Koa was a gift from an early customer who lives in Hawaii…that means something, doesn’t it? Yes…I think so.
But what of the blade…you can make saw blades, right? Why did you buy this one at Sears? Oh…I know why, you’re a hypocrite. I read about you people in college…you say one thing and do another. You say you’re a ‘hand tool only’ woodworker that makes his own tools, but you bought your saw blade at Sears and cut out the handle on a bandsaw (also from Sears).
Why on Earth do I get into these arguments with myself????!?!?! Who gives a crap about any of this! Didn’t you just need a pruning saw and couldn’t find one you liked so you made one? I suppose, but what are the things I whisper to myself while I’m making it to make sure I don’t cop out and give up? Oh…that’s easy…that’s the ‘democracy’ that Copperthwaite writes about, the ‘anarchy’ that Schwarz spouts and the meaning of it all from Korn. I am admittedly drunk on all of it. Its obsessive and powerful and Existential and all of that stuff that gives you that funny feeling you got when you first saw Kelly Flammin in the 6th grade….only a little higher above your belt.
What’s the result of all this?
…something that is uniquely mine….something only I can claim…something important. Its a mark…a physical manifestation of my soul and will and values.
Oh jeez…here you go again…do you really believe that crap?!?! Its a f*@^%!) saw!!! You didn’t cure cancer or paint the Mona Lisa! You cut up a scrap of some dead tree and rubbed it with some plant oil and we’re all supposed to swoon??
No….no swooning please. This isn’t for anyone but me. This is one of the rare, sweet moments of my life when I get to do something for myself. For too many years I forgot how to do that…simply enjoying things for me…for who I am and what is important to me. It does mean something, but not what you think…its not a political statement, or a social revolution or a manifesto I have to sign in blood. Its an affirmation. It means I can always labor in my life to a certain end…I can face things, whatever…and solve problems. By myself? No…no one is by themselves. But for myself maybe..as much as it can be. Maybe not even that.
Are you still there?
Ya…I’m here…just taking it all in. And trying not to puke. You know you sound like a psychopath, right?
Yes…but that’s okay. Its your voice that pushes me…makes me do this stuff to begin with. And I know I’m not the only one…there’s others who feel the same. That’s where the real meaning comes in.
You’re an idiot.
I know. Aren’t we all?